I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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