The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
