I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
