he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
