At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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