so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
