literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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