I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
