There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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