the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
