Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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