If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
