she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
