my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
