what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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