i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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