Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
