on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
