Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hippo gnu deer
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
