i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
