I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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