Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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