my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
