Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
