where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
