I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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