dude i'm inner monologue high
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
