so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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