i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
