Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
two words: eviction party
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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