i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
