how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
