It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think your dad took our porno
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
