if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
