Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
