that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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