It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
