she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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