i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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