it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
