Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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