Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
