I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this will be a night to untag.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
