I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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