can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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