I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
