i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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