Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
