The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
