Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
