Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
